Prelude
Well I got some responses about my last blog. It seems like it only happens when I'm unhappy with what I write. I don't know, I guess you can't please everybody, especially yourself. Actually that's not true you can please yourself just try and do it when you are home not at the supermarket. Kelly, I'll get to Pittsburgh in a bit, I think there are more stories to catch up on. On a side note, I've been worried that the picture I've been painting of myself in my blog isn't quite... what's the word...savory. I like to think that I'm not so one dimensional, writing stories about drinking and going to rock shows, then I caught myself singing along to Thin Lizzy in my car on my way home. So much for being a Renaissance man, but I suppose if I'm stuck doing a bad Hemingway impression in NJ, so be it, as long as people enjoy it.
Last Thursday I had to head home to bounce. Like I've said before, Summer in the North Jersey bar scene is pretty miserable at times. Thursday's bar crowd was actually decent, the aberration was that there were an unusually high number of attractive girls in the bar. Yeah Yeah, I'm shallow whatever, you tend to notice these things. Believe me when you are stuck at a door checking IDs its not a bad thing to have a little eye candy standing around to check out in between innings of the Yankees game. For a bouncer there is a strange corollary that happens when demographics get shifted toward the hot girl end, you get a larger number of creepy guys. Thursday was no exception, there were two guys parked on one side of the bar staring across, presumably looking for a nubile co-ed to store in their freezer. Then there was the guy I threw out. Guys, If you can't stand up reasonably straight from alcohol, its a fair assumption that if you do laps around the bar and stand next to whatever female you come across, you probably aren't taking any of them home. Bars like having girls in attendance, girls bring guys and guys drink, so its in my best interest to make sure the girls don't feel like they are being cast in Saw 3.
So this one guy was making laps creeping out everybody, I saw him and pointed him out to Art, so we watched him come back around to my end of the bar. I grabbed him and said "Time to leave", he replied in what I think was mandarin Chinese that he was with these guys and was ok. I said "ok finish your beer and leave", so now he is hiding behind what I think are his friends watching me stare at him until he finishes his beer. Which he does and actually leaves, avoiding me doing my Darth Vader impression and taking him off his feet and out the door. Later, the guys he was hiding behind asked me what happened, they didn't know the guy, he just asked them if he could stand there so I wouldn't toss him. As a kicker he was apparently rubbing the one guys back. I just gave everyone reading this the chills, so I would imagine that back rubbing victim went home and scrubbed his body in the shower like he was decontaminating from nuclear fallout. Not much else to report, I had some bright chick come out to smoke and tell me that I didn't look happy. No really I like dealing with adult adolescents with the interpersonal skills of Rain Man. Thanks for trying to brighten my day, now stop talking because you bother me.
Friday needless to say I was late for work, sleep is precious don't ever squander it. I limped through my morning at the office. Apparently my karma hit a speed bump during its rapid descent, and I was bailed out in the afternoon by a late lunch paid for by my company president. We got to eat outside and relax and comeback to the office with just enough time to close up email. Lunch ended up fueling the fire for a few happy hour drinks with some co-workers. I had to bail out of there to get back to Morristown to meet up with someone else who I work with. Its nice having some younger people in the office that actually go out, it makes me feel like less of a degenerate. My friend Kim called me and told me to meet her and her friends at the Grasshopper, Kim is married but any married chick that will bring her single friends out is worth hanging out with. I got to the 'Hops about 9ish, started upstairs, went downstairs, back upstairs. I was force feeding the girls drinks, not with any intention, I was keeping them on my pace, which I guess is generally a bad idea if you aren't the size of a VW. The girls were impressed with how many people I knew, I found it funny since I work in a bar in the town I grew up in. But I guess pointing out the degenerates and problem drinkers is an impressive skill. Maybe I can set up some sort of carnival act. The girls just didn't have the stamina and went home around 12:30 or 1. I think they had a good time, or hopefully they will only remember the good stuff. There is a nice shot of me and the ladies in my Pics page. I went through a stage where most of the pictures of me drinking involved the horn hands and my tongue sticking out. I think I used to pretend I was at a Kiss concert. A little bit of that resurrected for that photo.
Anyway, I headed back to the frog for closing time, things get a little fuzzy, I think I drunk texted a lot of people and said things that were probably off color and inappropriate. To those of you in the area, if you see me wobbly and probably setting up the next series of blogs, smack the phone out of my hand, please. Art ended up dragging me to after hours, which I definitely needed on 4 hours sleep and a full day of drinking. I didn't really see much since my eyes were half closed, but I believe someone got sick and also broke the shower rod. Kelly I think you were there some confirmation is needed. Anyway, I eventually became horizontal and I woke up at 9am stuck to a leather sofa. Did I mention it was like a crock pot in that apartment. Naked Gun was on TV while I did my impression of Han Solo emerging from carbonite. Thankfully I was a block away from my apartment, but lucky me ran into my roommate who was going to coach soccer, nothing like doing the walk of shame without anything to be ashamed about and running into someone you know. Thankfully the AC was cranked so I could hibernate in anticipation of my Pittsburgh trip.
More to come.
Last Thursday I had to head home to bounce. Like I've said before, Summer in the North Jersey bar scene is pretty miserable at times. Thursday's bar crowd was actually decent, the aberration was that there were an unusually high number of attractive girls in the bar. Yeah Yeah, I'm shallow whatever, you tend to notice these things. Believe me when you are stuck at a door checking IDs its not a bad thing to have a little eye candy standing around to check out in between innings of the Yankees game. For a bouncer there is a strange corollary that happens when demographics get shifted toward the hot girl end, you get a larger number of creepy guys. Thursday was no exception, there were two guys parked on one side of the bar staring across, presumably looking for a nubile co-ed to store in their freezer. Then there was the guy I threw out. Guys, If you can't stand up reasonably straight from alcohol, its a fair assumption that if you do laps around the bar and stand next to whatever female you come across, you probably aren't taking any of them home. Bars like having girls in attendance, girls bring guys and guys drink, so its in my best interest to make sure the girls don't feel like they are being cast in Saw 3.
So this one guy was making laps creeping out everybody, I saw him and pointed him out to Art, so we watched him come back around to my end of the bar. I grabbed him and said "Time to leave", he replied in what I think was mandarin Chinese that he was with these guys and was ok. I said "ok finish your beer and leave", so now he is hiding behind what I think are his friends watching me stare at him until he finishes his beer. Which he does and actually leaves, avoiding me doing my Darth Vader impression and taking him off his feet and out the door. Later, the guys he was hiding behind asked me what happened, they didn't know the guy, he just asked them if he could stand there so I wouldn't toss him. As a kicker he was apparently rubbing the one guys back. I just gave everyone reading this the chills, so I would imagine that back rubbing victim went home and scrubbed his body in the shower like he was decontaminating from nuclear fallout. Not much else to report, I had some bright chick come out to smoke and tell me that I didn't look happy. No really I like dealing with adult adolescents with the interpersonal skills of Rain Man. Thanks for trying to brighten my day, now stop talking because you bother me.
Friday needless to say I was late for work, sleep is precious don't ever squander it. I limped through my morning at the office. Apparently my karma hit a speed bump during its rapid descent, and I was bailed out in the afternoon by a late lunch paid for by my company president. We got to eat outside and relax and comeback to the office with just enough time to close up email. Lunch ended up fueling the fire for a few happy hour drinks with some co-workers. I had to bail out of there to get back to Morristown to meet up with someone else who I work with. Its nice having some younger people in the office that actually go out, it makes me feel like less of a degenerate. My friend Kim called me and told me to meet her and her friends at the Grasshopper, Kim is married but any married chick that will bring her single friends out is worth hanging out with. I got to the 'Hops about 9ish, started upstairs, went downstairs, back upstairs. I was force feeding the girls drinks, not with any intention, I was keeping them on my pace, which I guess is generally a bad idea if you aren't the size of a VW. The girls were impressed with how many people I knew, I found it funny since I work in a bar in the town I grew up in. But I guess pointing out the degenerates and problem drinkers is an impressive skill. Maybe I can set up some sort of carnival act. The girls just didn't have the stamina and went home around 12:30 or 1. I think they had a good time, or hopefully they will only remember the good stuff. There is a nice shot of me and the ladies in my Pics page. I went through a stage where most of the pictures of me drinking involved the horn hands and my tongue sticking out. I think I used to pretend I was at a Kiss concert. A little bit of that resurrected for that photo.
Anyway, I headed back to the frog for closing time, things get a little fuzzy, I think I drunk texted a lot of people and said things that were probably off color and inappropriate. To those of you in the area, if you see me wobbly and probably setting up the next series of blogs, smack the phone out of my hand, please. Art ended up dragging me to after hours, which I definitely needed on 4 hours sleep and a full day of drinking. I didn't really see much since my eyes were half closed, but I believe someone got sick and also broke the shower rod. Kelly I think you were there some confirmation is needed. Anyway, I eventually became horizontal and I woke up at 9am stuck to a leather sofa. Did I mention it was like a crock pot in that apartment. Naked Gun was on TV while I did my impression of Han Solo emerging from carbonite. Thankfully I was a block away from my apartment, but lucky me ran into my roommate who was going to coach soccer, nothing like doing the walk of shame without anything to be ashamed about and running into someone you know. Thankfully the AC was cranked so I could hibernate in anticipation of my Pittsburgh trip.
More to come.
posted by JD at 10:53 AM
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